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This is the date where a lot of couples decide whether they want to keep dating beyond this or not.

There is so much that the third date can say, and therefore you want to be certain that you let it speak for itself and really indicate that good things lie ahead.

If one of you has the stomach flu, it’s fine to leave the care package outside the door. If one of you is a performer, attendance at all events is mandatory.

If one of you has kids, you have introduced them to your significant other. End of Month Seven: By now you should have discussed future life, relationship, family and career goals. Although discouraged, pet names are now acceptable.

End of Month Two: By now both of you will need to have friended each other on Facebook, gone grocery shopping together at least once (a midnight Liz Lemon Greek Froyo run doesn’t count), purchased new sex toys and made reference to some future, nebulous plan.

Example: “For halloween, we should tots dress up as Marty Mc Fly and Doc from Back to the Future,” or “My mom makes a mean pot roast.

Where there’s a rule there’s significantly less chance you’ll humiliate yourself when your expectations don’t line up with reality—that’s what I always say. The one time I tried to sell mugs, I had to truncate it to “Where there’s a rule there’s sig—” and no one knew what I was talking about but my mother bought 12 because she’s very supportive, which explains why I have two liberal arts degrees. You’re not yet allowed to sleep over, but you should make sure you both agree on at least one of the following: 1. End of Month One: At this point, you need to reveal the kink it will least freak you out to reveal.

With rules, even if you choose to break one, at least you’re deviating from something concrete, plus you’re a rebellious rule-breaker rather than some clueless neurotic whose friends have started making excuses not to talk to you because they cannot spend one more second analyzing what your new girlfriend meant when she said, “I prefer french dressing to thousand island.” (You: “It’s such an obvious statement, right? Maybe, she’s really saying she wants to stop seeing me. Because one time she said I really seemed to intuitively understand her, so maybe this is a test and—” Your friend: “Look, this is really fun and everything, but I need to go hang out with Michelle Bachman.”)So for all of you desperate for rules to smooth the road to relationship bliss, I offer this Totally Arbitrary Relationship Timeline. Two Hours After First Date: Whichever one of you a frat boy would point at and say, “She’s the man, right? Jodie Foster’s neck looks old which makes her a brave holdout in Hollywood. In other words, if you must to peal a banana before sex and also you’d really like to be slapped with an Am Ex Black Card while listening to “My Heart Will Go On,” reveal the banana thing.

If you haven’t had a fight yet, start one, preferably at Ikea. Your requests will be processed in the order they are received.

You may also include emojis in your texts without apology. End of Month Ten: You must meet each other’s parents unless 1.

End of Month Six: If one of you has a cold, a care package is required. Allow your friends to like each other’s status updates, but only one time out of three.

Go into this date with a clear head and the right way of winning him over, all without trying too hard.

This isn’t a mammoth task, but it certainly does require some time and effort on your part.

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End of Month Four: You have mutually introduced friends and also mutually masturbated.

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